Let me tell you about my friend Alex.
Alex has about 8,000 LinkedIn connections. But she has REAL relationships with maybe 150 of them. Those 150 people? They've referred her $400,000 in business over the past two years. They've introduced her to investors. They've hired her team members.
The other 7,850 connections haven't done a thing.
Relationships aren't about numbers. They're about depth.
What real relationships look like:
- Mutual investment of time and attention
- Helping each other without keeping score
- Remembering details about their lives ("How did that product launch go?")
- Celebrating wins, supporting through losses
- Creating value together (referrals, collaborations, introductions)
The slow burn approach:
Real relationships aren't built in one DM thread. They develop over months and years.
You can't rush chemistry. You can only show up consistently.
Touchpoints that build depth:
- Celebrating wins: When they post about an achievement, DM them congratulations (feels more personal than a comment)
- Offering help unprompted: "Saw you're hiring. I know someone great for this—want an intro?"
- Remembering details: "How did that product launch go?" Reference past conversations.
- Sharing opportunities: "This event seems perfect for you—thought you'd want to know"
The 5-5-5 weekly practice:
15 minutes per week focused on relationship-building:
- 5 minutes: Congratulate people on wins (promotions, posts, launches)
- 5 minutes: Offer help to someone (intro, resource, feedback)
- 5 minutes: Follow up on previous conversations
That's it. 15 minutes, consistently, compounds into something remarkable.
Taking conversations deeper:
When exchanges start flowing:
- Ask about their challenges (and actually try to help)
- Share your own struggles (vulnerability builds trust)
- Discuss topics beyond work (shared interests matter)
- Explore where your worlds overlap
Moving beyond LinkedIn:
As relationships deepen, migrate to:
- Direct email (more personal, less noisy)
- Voice notes (shows extra effort)
- Video calls (face time builds trust)
- In-person meetings (the gold standard)
The give-to-get ratio:
Aim to give 5x-10x more than you ask. This isn't manipulation—it’s how trust is built.
When you consistently add value, opportunities appear without asking. People want to help the people who've helped them.
Red flags to watch for in yourself:
- You only message when you want something
- You keep mental score of favors
- You disappear after getting what you wanted
- You treat people differently based on their status
Build relationships with everyone. You never know where help will come from—or who you'll be in a position to help.
"The LinkedIn algorithm rewards conversation, not broadcasting. The more genuine replies your post generates, the wider it travels." - Richard van der Blom, LinkedIn Algorithm Researcher, Author of the annual LinkedIn Algorithm Report
Related resources:
- DM fundamentals: How to Write LinkedIn DMs That Actually Get Replies
- Cold outreach done right: How to Do LinkedIn Cold Outreach Without Being Salesy
- Start with comments: How to Build Relationships Through LinkedIn Comments
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it weird to send voice notes to strangers?
It can be. Voice notes are best used once you've had at least one or two text-based exchanges. They are highly effective because they convey tone and personality that text can't, but they require the recipient to stop and listen, so use them sparingly (LinkedIn Business Blog, 2024).
How do I move a relationship "offline"?
When a conversation is flowing well, suggest a specific, low-pressure next step. "I'm going to be in your neighborhood next week—would you be up for a 20-minute coffee?" or "I'd love to hear more about X, would you be open to a 15-minute Zoom call?" (LinkedIn Business Blog, 2024).
What if I don't have anything "valuable" to give?
Value doesn't have to be a multi-million dollar referral. It can be a sincere compliment on their recent work, a link to an interesting article, or even just an introduction to someone else in your network. Everyone has something to give (LinkedIn Talent Solutions, 2024).